So, I'm a liar....

If I tell you I'm fine...I'm probably not. I might be - but chances are, I'm lying.

Today has been a DOOZY of a day. Total emotional mess. On the up side - I've gotten a lot of things done. Some things I've been procrastinating on purpose, some things I've just not gotten around to. The newsletter and calendar for Relief Society are almost done, just need a bit of final touch ups before I print them up and run off a zillion coppies. This was a big load off, as I was really not feeling up to doing it - but I bit the bullet today and tackled it - and I feel SO much better about it. That and the notebooks (all 3) that I've neglected to update and make nice all month. I also got bills paid (which both makes me feel good and depressed all at the same time). See - things that make me feel a bit better now that I don't have to think about them again for a while.

I've felt SO emotionally drained this last couple of weeks. I'm frusterated by my lack of grattitude and inability to find blessings....I'd gotten good at it, but I've kinda lost it this last little bit...I'm getting overwhelmed by the little things, and it worries me. I'm finding less joy in things I used to like. Less joy and more of a desire to just crawl in a hole...

I'm more cranky with the kids - and heaven knows they've suffered enough this year. That adds on the guilt...which of course doesn't help.

So, lets get something straight - I'm not a hero. I'm not a good example. I'm not handling this so great...I don't want to be looked up to. I just a crabby 'ol, cranky, grumpy tired-of-being-stuck-in-this-mess, mom.

And, while we're at it, let's get something else straight (for those that need it) - I love you guys. I really really do. Please, PLEASE don't feel jilted if I'm not up for talking. Please don't be offended if I'm not good about calling you back. Please don't hate me if I don't want to talk about how I feel, or what I'm going through. I love that you care about me. I'm thrilled that you want to know how I am. But please try to understand if I'm just not up for telling the story for the millionth time...